The Oxygen Deprivation Exploration
by April in Paris
Summary: What happened between Sheldon and Amy during the missing conversation in which they decided to adding kissing to their Date Nights? What led up to that decision? And, more importantly, what came after it? Starts with 7.15 The Locomotive Manipulation, continues through 7.19 The Indecision Amalgamation, and veers off of from there. Heavily concentrates on Shamy.
1. The Locomotive Alternative

**This is my first ever fanfic, so all constructive reviews are appreciated.**

**Of course, I don't own The Big Bang Theory or its characters, etc.**

**Chapter 1: The Locomotive Alternative**

She couldn't believe this was happening. She, Amy Farrah Fowler, PhD, neurobiologist, was being kissed by Sheldon Lee Cooper, BS, MS, MA, PhD, ScD, theoretical physicist and genius, of his own free will. Time seemed to be collapsing and expanding simultaneously even though Sheldon would tell her that wasn't possible. Things were happening to her lips, her brain, and stomach that both neurology and biology told her weren't real. But they were real, and it was finally happening.

She was aware of everything happening so quickly, and yet she had time to ponder all the thoughts running through her head. She had been genuinely shocked by his anger. Not by what he thought, once he said it, because she had to silently admit he was right, but rather that he was even saying it to her. Instead of pouting or retreating into his childhood or silently plotting a way to break up with her, he was verbalizing his frustrations and feelings to her, like an adult. And in public! Yes, he had started acting a little crazy there for a moment with the wine and gazing (_When wasn't Sheldon acting crazy? I don't care if his mother had him tested._), but at least he was talking about his emotions.

And then his lips collided with hers at the speed of light. At first, this felt angry and hurtful and crazy, too, but then something broke in the very air and his kiss softened and he drew closer and he put his hand on her hip and she forgot to breathe and . . .

His lips were gone too soon, and she was suddenly aware of how her lips felt both hot with pleasure and cold with loss. Sheldon was looking down at her with a look she'd never seen before. The look felt just as explosive as the kiss that preceded it.

"That was nice," she said it to break the crackling in the air and immediately regretted it. Why did she say anything? What if the crackling did break? And why did she say it was nice, just "nice", why didn't she say everything, all the twisting, twirling, entangled things she wanted to say? Her heart pounded in her chest. Or should she not have said anything, would that just make him run away?

"Good." Even though it was whisper, Amy knew it wasn't a question or a hypothesis, it was statement of fact. Sheldon thought it was good, but she didn't know if it was the kiss itself or if she'd just said the right thing.

He looked down nervously, and then back up at her, "Um . . . the conductor said if I come back to the engine room, he'd show me how to bring the train through a crossing."

Just like that, a high that she didn't know she had been feeling left her. It felt like her heart had broken free and plummeted to the pit of her stomach. "Oh, okay. Have fun." She deflated even saying it.

The look was back again, just as strong as it had been right after he'd kissed her. _Did he just look down at my lips?!_ "Do you want to come with me?"

Her heart bounced back up into her throat. "Really?" she nodded. "I do."

She shifted so he could lead the way out of the train car. He opened the door for her, and when she brushed past him, she felt him take her hand. She looked up at him, but he was already walking ahead, leading them forward.


	2. The Mommy Observation Aftermath

**Chapter 2: The Mommy Observation Aftermath**

Sheldon needed to talk to Amy. Howard had helped, in his own awkward way, and talking to his mother had helped. However, Sheldon was still confused. He needed to discuss the situation rationally with his intellectual equal. And Amy was his only intellectual equal.

But they'd agreed to suspend their nightly texts given the time difference. This had been logical, of course, as it was his idea. So he tried to push his need aside as he readied for bed. It felt good to complete his nightly ritual in order. But as he settled between the sheets in his hotel room, his mind turned to Amy again.

That, in itself, was not unusual. He often thought of Amy as he drifted off to sleep, especially after - no, he would not allow himself to experience that moment again tonight. He was ashamed of how often he found himself thinking about it lately. It was just that he was so used to talking to her before bed, she was always the last person he spoke to now instead of Leonard. Sometimes it was text, sometimes it was a call, but it always happened.

Amy had changed him. He'd been angry last week when Penny said that, but, upon reflection, he had to admit she was right. Not that he'd ever tell her that. _Just listen to me. "Upon reflection." I sound like a beatnik poet. Next thing I know I'll be growing my hair out._

He tried to readjust. He mentally listed all the elements of the periodic table in order. He replayed the last episode of _Doctor Who_ in his mind. He tried to imagine Beta Spock and Beta Uhura playing Counterfactuals. _It's no use._

Finally with a sigh, he sat up, turned on the bedside light, and grabbed his phone. It was only 9:58 in Glendale. Amy went to bed at 10:00. _Just one text, a short one, and she'll get it before bedtime. Yes, this could work._

[Good night, Amy.] Send.

Good. It was done. It wasn't enough, of course, but it seemed to help a little.

His phone chirped almost immediately. [Good night, Sheldon. Can you not sleep? It is past your usual bedtime there.]

Blast. Per usual, Amy knew too much about him. He thought briefly about lying, but not seriously as his mother always told him not to lie.

[No, I cannot.]

[Do you want to talk? We could FaceTime.]

His stomach fluttered. _Yes._ [I'm in my pajamas.]

[So am I.]

_Her lips felt different than he expected and why was he kissing her he had not planned to do that it but it felt better than he ever thought it would and he wanted to be closer to her maybe just one step closer -_ He forced himself to stop the memory. What on earth was happening to his mind lately? _This was probably a bad idea._ [Okay.]

In just a couple of seconds, Amy's face floated in front of him. She was wearing a pink nightgown. Where was she sitting? _It's her bed! She's sitting in her bed!_ No, this definitely wasn't a good idea.

"Hello, Sheldon."

"Hello, Amy." Was she not wearing a barrette in her hair?

"How was your visit to see your mother? Was she surprised?"

He was startled and relieved at the same time. He was startled because he hadn't expected her to ask that right way (although, it was logical that she should do so, he realized), but he was relieved that she had brought it up, saving him the trouble.

He told her everything. What he had seen, what his mother had said, what Howard had said. As always, Amy listened silently to his stories. He valued that in her, that she knew when he just needed to tell her something and she just needed to listen. " . . . then we left and drove back to the hotel."

"Wow, that is surprising, Sheldon. I would have been overwhelmed, embarrassed and angry, too."

There, she'd done it. She had said just the right thing. Yes, he had been overwhelmed and embarrassed, not just angry. That is what he had felt, even though he didn't understand those where his emotions at the time.

"Amy, you always know just how to verbalize the intangible." Sheldon wanted to tell her how genuinely he appreciated this facet of their relationship even if it was hippy trippy. _I may already need a haircut._ Did she just blush? No, it must have been a trick of lighting.

"Thank you." She gave a little sigh, "I know you may not want to hear this, but Howard was probably right."

He didn't know what to say. Was Amy right about this, too? Maybe. He wasn't sure yet. But he felt better now. Even if Amy wasn't right, she understood him.

"I'll think about it." It was all he could agree to do now. But she had given him the peace to do so. "Amy?"

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"Do you think Beta Spock and Beta Uhura would play Counterfactuals?"


	3. The Date Night Acceleration

**Chapter 3: The Date Night Acceleration**

Amy couldn't remember the last time she'd been this nervous. The first time she met Sheldon? _No, I had only been doing that to please my mother. That was dread. _The date with Stuart? _No, I knew that wasn't a date for me. _Her first official date night with Sheldon after The Relationship Agreement had been signed? _No, I was a little excited perhaps, but the rules had been so clearly written I knew what to expect._

As she took the pizza out of the oven, she stopped herself. _This is not a date. This is not date night. This could, in fact, be the opposite of date night. _She murmured, _"_He could be coming over to break up with me."

There, she'd forced herself to say it out loud. _And it hurt so much more than I thought it would._ She took a hard, sharp breath in. Everything had been going so well. True, he still hadn't tried to kiss her again, but they had talked more via FaceTime lately on unscheduled nights and for longer stretches of time. He'd commented on almost all of her Facebook statuses, not just liked them. Until two days ago, when he had seemed to draw back into the minimal requirements of The Relationship Agreement, like a turtle into his shell. She was worried by this, of course, but decided to let it pass for a few days to see if he poked his little head out again. It had happened before, for a week or so, and whatever caused that had melted away.

So, she'd been surprised by Sheldon's unscheduled email yesterday.

**DATE: March 12, 2014 4:08 p.m.**

**TO: Amy Farrah Fowler, PhD**

**FROM: Sheldon Lee Cooper, BS, MS, MA, PhD, ScD**

**SUBJECT: Meeting Proposal**

**Dr. Fowler -**

**An important matter has come to my attention, and I wish to discuss it with you. Would you be available to host this meeting at your apartment, preferably at 7:00 p.m. tomorrow evening?**

**Dr. Sheldon Cooper**

She wrote back in the affirmative. Good or bad, she would rather know what was on his mind sooner rather than later. She'd been thinking for almost 27 hours now about what he could possibly want to talk to her about. Their good night and good morning texts had been perfunctory. No hints there. She had tried to avoid thinking of the obvious, and instead composed a mental list that was, she admitted to herself, silly at best.

Just as she put the last fork on the table, there was his signature knock at the door.

Knock, knock, knock. "Amy."

Knock, knock, knock. "Amy."

Knock, knock, knock. "Amy."

She opened the door to him. "Hello, Sheldon."

"Good evening, Amy." He nodded, walked to the sofa and placed his satchel upon it before hanging his jacket up on the hook. "I hope I haven't created too much work for you."

"No, not at all. It's just a frozen pizza." She looked in his face. He seemed tense. _Not good._ "In fact, I just took it out, if you'd like to eat."

"Yes, we should eat while it's at the optimal temperature." He took his usual seat at the table. She brought the pizza over and sat down across from him.

Neither of them spoke. _No, definitely not good._

After a few bites, she decided to dive in. "Sheldon-"

"Amy-" He looked startled for second, then relaxed his eyebrows. "You speak first."

"I was going to ask what was on your mind." She gave a little shrug, hoping this would hide her fear.

"Oh." He looked startled again. "I had planned on the discussing that after dinner. I was simply going to ask about your day."

She sighed. His stupid itineraries. "It was good, nothing unusual to share." She sighed again, this time longer and raspier. Sheldon looked at her more closely. "If you really don't mind, I like to discuss the matter now. This is making me nervous."

"Amy, you know I like order. I also don't believe we should stop eating or the pizza will get cold. Additionally, I do not want my iPad to get dirty."

"Why would your iPad get . . never mind." She was about to do something she didn't like doing, but she felt she had no choice. She would beg, just a little bit. She looked directly into his eyes, straining her own eyes as wide open as she could make them. "Sheldon, please."

He sighed this time. "Very well. What a strange power you hold over me, Amy Farrah Fowler."

As he got up to retrieve his satchel, her shoulders relaxed just a fraction. Surely that statement was a good sign?

He sat back down and tapped a few times on the screen. "I would like to propose some adjustments to The Relationship Agreement, especially given our recent -" He stopped, then coughed a little, took a deep breath "- closeness."

_Holy crap on a cracker! _ She had never fully understood Penny's favorite outburst until now, but it came unbidden to her mind. Questions tumbled through Amy's head. _He notices we've become closer? Did he just say the word closer? Is this a good thing? Holy crap on a cracker, what if he's talking about the kiss? Is he talking about the kiss? Does he want to kiss me again?_

She used all of her will power to remain calm and reply as evenly as possible, "Very well. What do you propose?"

He wouldn't look up at her. He kept staring at the screen of his iPad. "I would like to propose that we change the frequency of our scheduled date nights to" - she saw him swallow again - "once a week."

_Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm. Do not scare him off now. Discuss it logically, that will put him at ease._ "And each date night would be the same duration as it currently is?"

"Yes, we would begin at 7:00 and end by 9:30, unless we have previously agreed on a longer activity, such as a movie." Sheldon still wasn't looking up.

"And they'd all be here, at my apartment?"

"No, I thought it would be more fair if we started a rotation. Week one at your apartment, week two at my apartment, and week three at a restaurant of mutual choice." He looked up at her with a little smile, "You have far too many important scientific discoveries to work on, you should not be wasting time in the kitchen for me."

Her heart was doing that crazy floating around her chest maneuver again, and she wondered if he could sense it. _He thinks my science is important, even though it's not physics? Should I tell him I like cooking for him? _ No, _calm and rational._ "And the same process should be followed for any impromptu meetings?"

"Yes." He quickly put his head down again. "I understand my email yesterday broke that protocol, and I won't do it again. I apologize."

Her heart thumped. _You're losing him. He's worried you're angry about the short notice._ "Sheldon, I . . ." She didn't know what to say. _Sheldon, I'm not angry at you, you've made me incredibly happy and I can't believe you're asking me this and I wouldn't care if you showed up unannounced every evening and all I want to do is kiss you right now and every date night thereafter and. . ._

"I-propose-we-add-a-date-night-kiss." It was out before she realized it, and she desperately wished she could reach out and grab it back to her. Sheldon's head snapped up, and his blue eyes seemed to be piercing her very soul. At first there was silence, and then she heard him start breathing very slowly but forcefully. His Vulcan Kulinar breathing.

_No, no, no, no._ This wasn't happening. She'd ruined everything. Her heart stopped. She stared back at him, confident he could see the fear in her eyes. But she couldn't look way.

"Ooooh boy." He swallowed deeply, and then, after a lengthy pause, said in that same voice he'd had on the train, the same strange, gentle, quiet resonance he'd used after they'd kissed, "What would the protocols be?"

Amy was flustered. She hadn't thought it out that far. In fact, she hadn't thought it out at all because she never thought it would happen, at least not anytime this year - or the next. And that voice, what was it about that voice? _And he hasn't taken his eyes off of me!_ She sucked in a giant breath of air. "I am willing allow you to research this topic and submit your own desired protocols, and then I can counter-propose if needed."

Another long pause, then he nodded. "Yes, I agree to your parameters. It means I will have to delay the updated Agreement for a few days. Is this acceptable to you?"

_You have no idea how acceptable. More than acceptable. _ But she followed his lead and nodded. "Of course."

He gaze relaxed. He put his iPad back in his satchel and turned back to the pizza. "I asked you about your day, Amy, and you gave a very unsatisfactory answer."

Amy couldn't help it, she giggled. Just like that, all the tension escaped the room. Sheldon, old Sheldon, was back. She, too, picked up her pizza and began telling him about her newest data.

* * *

The meal passed in companionable conversation and when they were finished Sheldon helped her load the dishwasher and clean the table. One minute he was standing in the kitchen with her, and the next she realized he had picked up his bag.

"Sheldon, wait. Are you leaving?" She was confused.

"Why, yes." Now he looked confused.

"Why? Aren't we going to watch something together?"

"But this isn't date night," he said it as though he was stating the obvious.

"But you came over and we ate and I thought . . ."

"I merely asked for a meeting and you offered to provide food. We have completed our business and our meal, so I should leave. Our first weekly date night will be next week, after we have both signed the updated Relationship Agreement." He gave her the look he always gave when he thought she was being obtuse.

_Really, Sheldon Cooper, you come over here to tell me you feel closer to me and agree to kiss me every week for the rest of our lives and you call this just a meeting?! _ Anger flared briefly, but she let it go. Anger rarely worked on Sheldon. And, technically (_I hate that word because of him_), he was right.

"I was just planning on watching television, anyway. Unless you called. And if you are just going to go home to watch television or call me, doesn't it make more sense to stay here and do the same things?"

He cocked his head to the side, and she knew that meant he was considering it. "What were you going to watch? I already sat through _Downtown Abbey_ for you, and I didn't enjoy a lick of it."

That's when she knew she'd won. "I have a couple of episodes of _Castle_ on my DVR that I haven't watched yet. Nathan Fillion is in it."

He walked back to the sofa. "Very well. However, you will not convince me that Nathan Fillion's greatest work as an actor was not cut too short."

She smiled as she sat down. "I wouldn't even try."

* * *

As the credits rolled by, Amy slid her hand away from Sheldon's and turned off the television. Sheldon turned toward her. "Amy, I have to say that was more enjoyable than I expected."

"I'm glad you liked it. Maybe we can watch it again sometime."

Sheldon got up and walked over to get his jacket. "That would not be repugnant to me."

Amy picked up his satchel and brought it over to him. "Thank you for staying, Sheldon. I enjoyed our evening."

"Me too." He slung the strap over his shoulder.

"Um . . . so good night, Sheldon," she said looking down a little. She wanted to say something else, to prolong this night that had given her so much that she desired, but she didn't really know what to say and she felt awkward.

"Amy . . ." She looked up. _Holy crap on a cracker! _There, unexpectedly, was the train voice again. The piercing blue eyes again, softer than at the table but different from on the train. "Were you expecting . . .would you like . . . me to . . . kiss you?"

_Yes, yes, yes._ But she realized that his shallow breathing also meant that he was frightened. "No, you don't have to. Only once you've had time to study it and determine how you'd like to proceed. And you're right, this isn't an actual date night. We haven't signed anything yet."

He nodded slowly, not breaking his gaze. Then, swiftly, he leaned down and brushed her cheek with his lips. It was so delicate and gentle that she almost couldn't feel it. Just as swiftly he backed up. "Good night, Amy."

He turned quickly and left, leaving Amy standing there. She raised her hand to touch her cheek. Now she could feel it.


	4. The Approach Vector Rumination

**Chapter 4: The Approach Vector Rumination**

Dr. Sheldon Cooper had never been defeated by a mental exercise. Of course, certain people (mostly his mother) had cajoled him into verbalizing defeat in the past to meet certain social requirements, but in his mind he still knew he hadn't been defeated. But, as he looked at the time and realized Leonard would be home any second, he knew he had been beaten. He put his head down on the edge of his desk and gasped for air. _How did this happen to me?_

It was only logical that Amy would have asked him to perform this research on kissing and write up the regulations. After all, wasn't kissing really a form of physics, what with all the speed, forces, trajectories, approach vectors, and rotations to consider? He was clearly overqualified.

He had been shocked, at first, to hear her proposal. His own heart had already been beating faster than he liked, which had surprised him. It surprised him because he was prepared, he had formulated arguments to explain his position rationally if Amy should counter propose either more or less date nights a week. But once he was saying it, he found his mouth suddenly dry, his voice quieter than normal, his heart beating faster, and he was embarrassed to look Amy in the eye. He even said the wrong thing; he hadn't meant to say "closeness," he had meant to say "our recent increase in aggregate conversation minutes." Why had he said "closeness?"

And then that! He was shocked, but, if his ever increasing heart rate had been any indication, he was oddly excited. It was as though she had a window into his brain and knew he deepest desires, the ones he was trying to keep hidden. _Why? Why couldn't this strange feeling have stayed on the train, where it had apparently found me?_

Initially, the task before him had not daunted him or frightened him. Nor had it given him that funny feeling he so often had around Amy lately. Instead, it had made him feel calmer. It was merely another equation to solve, another graph to make, another solution to discover. He would find pleasure in it, of course, but no more pleasure than he found in any of his other work.

But as the weekend wore on, he found there was so much more research to do than he had expected. The few hours he had of peace, when Leonard was at Penny's, had revealed to him more variations on kissing then he had previously been aware. And when he would remind himself that their kisses would be simple, just one set of lips making contact with another, he remembered the way his lips had felt after kissing her cheek and the way her cheek had felt on his lips. It was different from when he kissed her lips. Would her other cheek feel the same or different? What about her forehead? The back of her hand? What about the suprasternal notch at the base of her neck that he sometimes noticed peeking out of her shirt?

_Oh, dear Lord, here comes the feeling again. What has this vixen done to me? _Sheldon had closed his eyes and tried to breathe through it.

And so he had done something he had never done before. He took a sick day. He clearly needed several hours of peace to unlock this puzzle in which he found himself.

Leonard, of course, had been suspicious. "But you're never sick. And even when you are sick, you refuse to admit it. So why are you taking a sick day and telling me you're sick when you're clearly not?"

"Just because I choose not to bore you with all the details of my illness or whine endlessly to Penny about my symptoms like you do does not mean I am not sick."

"Should I call Amy and tell her you're sick? Isn't there a clause or something in your Relationship Agreement about being sick?"

"No!" Terror seized him. "Under absolutely no circumstances are you to tell Amy I am sick. In fact, I will text her myself and tell her -" _What should I tell Amy?_

Leonard had smiled. "What are you up, buddy? Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

Sheldon tried to shoot the pointiest daggers he could imagine out of his eyes until Leonard left. He had apparently kept up his end of the bargain as Sheldon had not received any overly ridiculous texts from Raj or Howard. Once alone, he had quickly devised an excellent cover text to Amy that would prevent her from looking for him at work. Quite clever.

But now, nine hours later, the situation was even more dire. While researching YouTube videos, he had accidentally selected some sort of French kissing video. _It was mislabeled!_ At first, he was disgusted. _Never! How unhygienic! _That clearly was not an option. But then, as he continued watching (it was like a train going by, really, he couldn't tear himself away), he realized that he did, indeed, wonder how that would feel. These two people seemed to be enjoying it immensely. Now that he thought about, the few times he had seen Leonard and Penny do it, they had enjoyed it immensely. The feeling came over him again, and, although he did work to slow his breathing some, he clicked on another video. Maybe, just maybe, with enough toothpaste and mouthwash and . . . that's when he knew he had been defeated and found himself hyperventilating into his lap.

* * *

They had been playing Counterfactuals for over an hour when Sheldon realized it. He had made a particularly brilliant argument, and Amy had thrown her head back and laughed. It occurred to him that what he said could be considered ironically funny, and he laughed too.

_She's relaxing me. No, she's trying to relax me and it's working. She has been all evening._ Sheldon knew she wasn't manipulating him, Amy rarely tried to manipulate him now, just sometimes with the begging eyes. That's why he'd been so angry on the train. Not because she wanted romance - he had come to expect that desire from her - but because she was manipulating him to try to get it. This, he could tell from her deep laughter, was sincere. Amy was trying to calm his fears, Amy was saying and doing all the right things.

His heart warmed. She had been punctual, of course. She had kept the conversation rolling during their meal, even when he suddenly found himself nervous. She had prepared a new game of Counterfactuals to occupy his mind. She hadn't attempted to touch him, even though he wouldn't have minded touching her hand, he was getting used to that now. And she had never once asked about The Relationship Agreement.

"Amy?"

She opened her eyes and lowered her head, coming down from her laughter. Her eyes were still sparkling. "What?"

"Should we review the updates to The Relationship Agreement now?" Just like that, everything was serious and a little tense. _Should I have asked now? Was that a mistake? We were enjoying ourselves._

"Okay," she nodded.

He picked his iPad up from the coffee table, where he's left it setting just before she arrived.

"There are two sections that require your signature. One about the change in frequency of our date nights. And one about -" _Stay calm. Just swallow through it. _"- kissing."

"Okay." Amy took the offered electronic and began to read the document he had on the screen. He watched her reading, fascinated at how her eyes moved under her eyelids.

After several minutes, she nodded and looked up at him. "I agree. It's good that you thought about holidays that fall on Thursdays. Do I just sign here?"

"Yes, on the line."

She used her finger to sign and looked back at him, expectantly.

"Um . . . just swipe, it's the next document." He closed his eyes and tried his Kulinar techniques. He had just managed two long breaths when Amy spoke.

"Sheldon, there seems to be something wrong."

His eyes snapped open. "What? What do you mean? Is it a technical difficulty with the iPad?" _Please let it be a technical difficultly with the iPad_. He hadn't been this nervous about a document since he'd submitted his last dissertation.

"The rules seem to be missing. This is just an introduction." Amy's brow furrowed as she read the single paragraph aloud. " 'The Boyfriend and Girlfriend agree to engage in at least one kiss on each date night unless either party is under the influence of a virus or bacterial infection. If date night has been mutually cancelled in advance in favor of a group of activity with Friends or Family, no kiss shall occur in the presence of those parties.' That's it."

She was looking at him, eyebrows still furrowed.

_Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe. _ Was he beginning to perspire? "Um . . ." he looked down. ". . . well . . ." _What is wrong with my voice? _ "After I did my research I thought maybe too many rules would be . . ." _Yes, definitely perspiring_. ". . . limiting."

She sounded surprised. "You don't want limits?"

"Of course I want limits. We're not wild animals." He snapped his head up, and Amy jerked. _Oh no._ He sought to recover. "I apologize, that was rude. I think I'm . . . nervous." He blurted out in a rush, "It's just that there are so many variations on kissing that I wasn't able to properly quantify them at this time. Perhaps at a later date, when we've had time to experiment. We need to approach this scientifically. We need to collect initial data with which to form a hypothesis and then test that hypothesis until we reach a conclusion."

She looked exactly the same as she had last week, when he'd suggested weekly date nights. She was struggling, he knew. She was going reply very calmly, so calmly that he would be proud of her, but her eyes were giving everything away. He had pleased her. _ I want her to look at me like that forever. _ _Do anything, say anything, just don't lose that look._ What? Where did that thought come from? Was this selflessness? His mother had always told him selflessness was its own reward, which he had always dismissed as poppycock, but maybe . . .

"Yes, you're right. We are leaders of our respective scientific fields, after all." She looked down and signed the screen with her finger. Did he imagine it or was there a little flourish in her signature, an extra large movement right at the end?

"Well, I believe that settles everything." She set the iPad back on the coffee table. "It's almost 9:30. I should go." She stood.

"Yes." He walked with her to the door and watched as she picked up her purse. She turned and looked up at him. He returned her gaze.

In all of his hours of research, in all those agonizing moments he couldn't breathe, he somehow had never contemplated this exact second. This was it. This was the moment she had signed for, the moment he had created with his words. Why was he so nervous? He had done this on the train. He had kissed her cheek last week. It's the same thing. _No, it's not._ _Oh, Albert Einstein, here comes the feeling again._

"Amy, I'm going to kiss you now." _ What is happening to my voice lately?_

He took a deep breath, leaned down, closed his eyes, and touched his lips to hers. It was different than he remembered. Was it just because he had decided to press more softly? His research had told him that was generally the preferred method. Her lips felt softer this time. Was it because she wasn't so startled? That had been a mistake, last time. Ever so slightly, her lips moved beneath his. Sparks shot from his lips all the way down his arms to his fingertips, and he reached for her waist. Why hadn't he taken hold of her first? It was more logical. He felt her hands on his biceps and he tensed, just for a millisecond, but then he relaxed. Oh, that made it feel even better.

Then, gently, he felt Amy pull away. He opened his eyes to look at her. His heart was thumping in his chest, but he felt sad for some reason.

"Thank you, Sheldon. And good night," she whispered. He noticed the look of pleasure in her eyes again. _I've pleased her._

He nodded, suddenly rendered mute by the sadness of no longer kissing her combined with the joy of pleasing her. _So that's bittersweet._ She walked out the door then, and all he could do was raise his hand in a pathetic little wave.

He stood there after she left, not moving, his hand still raised for precisely 97 seconds.


	5. The Courage Enabler

**Chapter 5: The Courage Enabler**

Amy was frustrated with herself. Why couldn't she just be happy with what she had? Sheldon would be appalled if he knew how illogical she was being. It had only been a couple of months since he'd first kissed her and now they were kissing once a week. Intelligently, she had to admit this was rapid progress for Sheldon.

But, emotionally, she was frustrated. Every week it was the same. The same pressing of lips, never any change, never any advancement. She still liked it, of course, and looked forward to it, but she was worried it was becoming just another habit. Especially after last week, when Sheldon had to be reminded to kiss her. Where was the romance in that?

The frustration she felt toward Sheldon, though, paled in comparison to the frustration with herself. She knew she was equally to blame for the repetitious nature of their kissing. She had craved physical contact from him for so long that she had never considered how she would act when it happened. Despite her joy, she was having trouble relaxing into it and, well, reveling in it. Why would he remember to kiss her if she was always so stiff?

She was going to have to tell Penny and Bernadette. They were her best hope for ideas. Of course, they usually suggested impossible things, but she always felt better after talking to them. How as she going to bring it up? She had previously always immediately called or texted Penny when any new development in her relationship with Sheldon. They both knew about the kiss of the train, she hadn't been able to hide it. But she hadn't yet shared the weekly kissing. She wasn't sure why, exactly, it's just that it felt private.

Luck was on her side, though, as Penny brought up the topic at girls' night.

"So, Ames, how are the new weekly date nights going? Any big news?"

Bernadette giggled.

"Actually, yes, there's something I need advice on." Amy took a breath. "Sheldon and I have been kissing good-night every week and -"

Penny spat out some wine on the countertop. "What?!"

Amy lifted her chin up with just a bit with pride. "Yes, I purposed a kiss each date night and Sheldon agreed."

"Like real kissing?" Bernadette asked.

"Yes, real kissing. What do you think I mean?"

"Sweetie, I think she means with tongues." Bernadette giggled again, and Penny leaned across the counter. She screwed up her face. "I can't believe I'm asking this, but are there tongues involved?"

Amy was embarrassed. Of course they would ask that, she should have anticipated it. She thought about lying, but if she needed their help she was going to have to be honest.

"No. We always leave our mouths closed."

Penny took a big gulp of wine. "Good, I don't think I could sleep with that mental image in my head."

"Actually . . . I need some advice on kissing. It's . . . always the same, just one kiss . . . and . . . how do I make it different?" She finished in a rush and took her own big swallow of wine.

"Do you hold each other when you kiss?" Bernadette asked.

"Yes. He has his hands on my waist, and I put my hands on his biceps."

"Sheldon has biceps?" Bernadette asked.

"It's not as though you're married to Arnold Schwarzenegger." Amy snapped back.

"Yea, well -" Bernadette's voice was rising.

"Hey, hey." Penny put her hand up. "Play nice. We have to help Amy with her problem. And it's not like anyone across the hall is a member of the A-Team."

"What's the A-Team?" Amy was confused.

Penny just shook her head. "Never mind. Okay, so you touch his arms and he touches your waist and you only just touch lips, right? Never anything else?"

"No - Wait! One time he kissed my cheek, just a little peck, really."

"Okay, good. You should kiss him on the cheek instead. Maybe move up there with your lips from a regular kiss or something."

"No," Amy shook her head. "Sheldon would probably never allow me to do that. He doesn't like surprises and he doesn't like to be touched in new place."

"Don't ask permission. Just do it. Although I never thought it was true until tonight, apparently he's a hot-blooded male after all. He'd probably like it."

Amy mumbled, "I don't know . . ."

"I think Penny is right. After all, Howie didn't ask permission before setting him up with you, and now you're his girlfriend," Bernadette said.

"I've got it!" Penny slammed her hand down on the counter. "Do it and then ask him right away, before he has time to think, if he likes it. He thinks too much about things."

Amy thought for a moment. "Okay. I'll try it." This could work. If she had the courage.

* * *

They had eaten Chinese delivery and watched a Discovery channel documentary. It had been a pleasant if routine date night. Sheldon turned the television off and started to get up when Amy put a hand on his arm. He turned to look at her.

_Don't think. Don't speak. Don't ask permission._ Amy leaned forward to kiss him. She saw surprise in his eyes, but he returned her kiss. She closed her eyes and raised her hand up so that she turn his head somehow. _ Do it, do it, do it. No, I can't. I'll just _. . . Struck by inspiration, she placed her hand on his cheek. It was so soft and warm.

Sheldon pulled back suddenly, startled. On reflex, she opened her mouth to apologize when she heard Penny's voice in her head. "Did you like it?"

Sheldon's pupils dilated, but he didn't break his gaze. He tilted his head slightly. He whispered in his train voice, "I think so."

Amy's heart leapt. She gave a little smile and leaned in for another kiss. Again, Sheldon met her lips, but softer this time, much softer. She felt his hand come up to her own cheek, and an involuntary shiver went down her back. He had touched her face before, when she had been sick and he was checking for a fever, but this felt vastly different.

She felt his lips start to pull away. _No, not yet._ But then, he surprised her by moving back in for another kiss. He pulled back again, turned his head slightly, and kissed her again. _Wow, all these little kisses are so much better than one long, solid kiss._

Then she felt his hand move. It gently, slow traced her cheekbone, up to her temple, and followed the curve of her ear to her earlobe - another shiver - and came back to rest on her cheek again. She was so caught up in the sensation she hadn't realized he had stopped kissing her. His head hadn't moved, he was so very close to her, and when she opened her eyes his eyes were right there, directly in front of her.

She wished she didn't have her glasses on, everything that close was slightly blurry. It looked like she was staring into two blue pools. But she wasn't going to move, she wasn't going to back up. He held her gaze, and she had that same sensation she'd had on the train, of time expanding and contracting simultaneously.

Sheldon broke the silence, in that same train voice, "I liked that." He audibly swallowed, shut his eyes, and took a deep breath. His face was covered in a deep blush. "But I think you'd better go now."

_Uhh . . . Oh!_ Amy understood. She nodded to his closed eyes, got up, and left as silently as she could.


	6. The Determination Declaration

**Chapter 6: The Determination Declaration**

Order. Schedules. Procedures. Regulations. Structure. Sheldon needed all of these things to feel comfortable. Surprises made him nervous. He knew this about himself, he told others this so they could provide the standardization he needed. He wrote out guidelines so that there would be no surprises.

He had surprised himself, on occasion, and that was especially disturbing. He struggled with the concept of self-surprise as it was so illogical. He had kissed Amy on the train, that was surprise. But he'd been so angry. And then kissing her made him not angry, and that was even more confusing.

Amy had surprised him by asking for date night kisses, but he had quickly realized that she was offering him structure. He had been grateful. And, honestly, he had wanted to try it again.

He had self-imposed limits on kissing, promising himself he would do it the same way every time. And he was relaxing into it. It was the same every week, and it felt ordered. This was good. He was pleasing Amy, and, he was delighted to find, pleasing himself. He was enjoying kissing Amy. He had been surprised by his reaction to those YouTube videos when he was researching kissing, but he had effectively compartmentalized them and hadn't thought about them since that day. Until now.

So, what had happened? It was Amy's fault, of course, she had touched his cheek without asking first. Well, he calculated he should take 6.8% percent of the blame, because he had allowed her to touch his arms without asking when they kissed. But that had seemed logical. It was similar to hugging, and they'd done that before. And it made kissing better.

Touching her face made it better, too. He had liked it, and he had told her so. Why? He had surprised himself by liking that and then, more surprising, talking about it. Today, he found that disturbing and illogical and confusing. Last night, though, he had not felt any of those emotions. Which made today more disturbing and illogical and confusing.

Last night he felt something he hadn't felt since the night they played Dungeons and Dragons. He blushed even thinking about it. He knew what it was, of course. But it was alarming all the same. Thirteen months ago, he hadn't thought it was possible, not since he had passed adolescence and had mastered his endocrine system.

He thought about asking Leonard for advice. Sometimes, when they were alone and Sheldon could convey the seriousness of topic, Leonard could be sympathetic and helpful. He dismissed the thought, though; Leonard would tell him what he already knew. That is was natural.

He could stop kissing her, strike that section from The Relationship Agreement. Just as quickly, he dismissed this idea. He liked kissing Amy. He liked it when Amy touched his cheek. And he liked it when he touched hers. _I wish she hadn't had her glasses on, I wonder if her eyebrows felt as soft as they look_ . . . He realized he was touching his own eyebrows. _You vixen._

He remembered how he had asked Amy to leave, and he felt ashamed. She hadn't seemed upset, but he wondered if she was. Or had she known? Had she known that he was afraid that perhaps he liked it too much, that the flood of desire that he experienced when he felt her shiver slightly beneath him was too overwhelming for him?

_She would tell me if she was upset._ He remembered when she made him promise that they would always tell each other when they were upset. He trusted Amy implicitly. He wanted to give her a reason to trust him.

And he knew just what he would do. It would take the remaining six days to gather up his courage, but he would do it.

* * *

Amy got out her keys as they neared the door to her apartment. "Good night, Sheldon. I had a lovely time." She turned to him, expectant.

Instead of leaning down to kiss her in the hallway, Sheldon steeled himself to say, "May I come in?"

Her eyebrows shot up. But Amy, _clever little Amy_, replied calmly, "Of course." Her hands betrayed her, though, as she had trouble lining the keys up correctly.

He reached out and placed his hand on top of hers, praying silently to a god he did not believe in that his hands wouldn't shake, too. "Here, let me." He gave her a little smile, as he opened the door. _Step one, complete._

They didn't speak once inside, as Amy sat down her purse. She turned to him again. Sheldon found his own nerves were calming. It always felt good to him to be in control. He also found Amy's presence soothing him again.

"There's something I didn't want to do in the hallway." Instead of reaching for her waist, as he was so accustomed to doing, he reached for her glasses. She jumped a little.

_Slow down, she's nervous, you know how it feels to be touched unexpectedly._ "I'm sorry. May I remove your glasses?" She gave a little nod of her head. He took off her glasses as carefully as he could (_this is harder to do than I thought_) and sat them on the bookcase by her door.

_I want to kiss her so much right now. _ No, he had made a plan. He took his hand and touched her jaw. He felt her relax a beneath him. _Good. _ He traced her jaw and her ear just like he did last week, to feel them again. _Her skin is so soft. _ Then he used his thumb to trace her lips.

Amy completely relaxed then and gave one of those little shudders he had felt last week. Suddenly, Sheldon was hot and awash in desire. He thought he had mentally prepared himself for it, but it still surprised him when it happened. He closed his eyes briefly and gave a small breath out. He had planned every move he was going to make with precision, and he was not going to stop now.

He opened his eyes and traced up her nose, meeting her eyes as he stroked the bridge of her nose. He had been avoiding them, concentrating on his path. The look there was so much stronger than anything he'd ever seen before. _Oh, Albert Einstein, this is so much harder than I thought it would be._

Locking onto her eyes, he followed her orbit across her eyebrows (_wiry, like mine, but soft, too_), across her temple and into her hair. He felt more alive that he'd ever felt, as though sparks were raining down from his hands, into his arm and straight to his chest.

He left his hand there, buried in her hair, and bent down to give her a kiss. _How is this possible? How is that taking a long time to kiss Amy makes it feel amplified? _ Amy shuddered again. _So this kiss is different for both of us._

Then he lowered his hand, picked up her own, and, on impulse, kissed her palm. _Salty. _Later, he would think about the germs and be slightly repulsed, but at that second all he wanted was to know how she tasted there. He took her hand and placed in on his cheek.

Amy let it rest there for a minute, but then she started to trace along his jawbone, mirroring his earlier actions. He leaned forward so he was closer to her, allowed himself a little smile, and closed his eyes. _She understood me. _ Relief flooded him, mixing with his desire. He no longer remembered which was more heady, the feeling of touching Amy or the feeling of being touched by Amy.

There was no fear, no wariness, no anxiety, no doubt to this touch. Just Amy, touching his face until her hand came to rest in his hair. They stood there for a long while like that, his hands on her waist, one of Amy's hands on his arm, the other in his hair. Neither one spoke.

Gradually, the desire starting to dissipate, replaced by the tranquility Amy always gave him. He leaned down further until his forehead was touching hers. "Thank you, Amy. I wanted you to know you could trust me."

"I do trust you, Sheldon," she said.

"I want you to trust me that I'm trying for you. This is very difficult for me and sometimes . . . " he swallowed . . . "sometimes I'm going to have to stop. I need to do this slowly."

"I know. I trust you."

He leaned back and looked down at her. Her eyes had somehow become more beautiful, with the most lovely golden flecks swimming in them. _ How have I never noticed that before? Is it because she's normally wearing glasses? _

Realizing she couldn't see without them, Sheldon reached over and picked her glasses up and handed them back to her. "I should go. It's 9:32 now."

"You can always stay, Sheldon."

He raised an eyebrow. _Give her an inch and . . ._ "Amy, don't let this give you any ideas. I enjoy kissing you. I enjoy touching your face. I enjoyed it when you touched mine. But, slowly, remember?" _No, I shouldn't have said that._

But Amy wasn't upset. She smiled her sweet little smile. _What did I say that made her so happy? _ "Of course. Good night."

He cocked his head. "Good night."


	7. The Heat Wave Fluctuation

**Chapter 7: The Heat Wave Fluctuation**

Sheldon stood in front of the fan, panting. He heard Leonard walk in the room behind him.

"Leonard, it's hotter than Vulcan in here."

"Aren't you from Texas? And aren't you going to Texas next month, in August?" Leonard retorted sarcastically.

Sheldon stood up and sighed. "That's different. It may be hot outside, but Texans do believe that indoor climate control is a right, not a privilege."

"Well, then, take some clothes off. You've got on two shirts!"

Sheldon crossed him arms and glared. _Really, for a scientist, his brain can be so small. And he looks ridiculous in those shorts._

"Sheldon, the super said the part was on order and it would be here Monday. This isn't a personal plot against you, the whole building is without air conditioning." Leonard sat a bag down by the door. "She is going to kill me for asking this, but Penny and I going to a hotel for the weekend. Why don't you come with us? We'll get a room with two beds."

"And lie in the same room when you and Penny have coitus?" Sheldon snorted.

"You could go stay with Amy. No risk of coitus there."

Sheldon's glared intensified. _I am not going to dignify that with a response._

Leonard shrugged. "Fine, suit yourself." He picked up his bag and went out the door.

"It's already cooler without all your hot air blowing." Sheldon yelled after him.

Thirty minutes later, Sheldon was even more miserable. Darkness had fallen, and with it his hopes of cool night air had faded. He'd tried everything. A cold glass of water. Sitting on his spot. Watching the Hoth scene from _The Empire Strikes Back_. He'd even risked taking off his outer T-shirt off, but quickly put it back on. _No matter my discomfort, there is no excuse for public nudity._

He took out his phone and dialed Amy.

* * *

Entering Amy's apartment, Sheldon sat down his suitcase. "Thank you, again, Amy. I know this is terribly rude and irregular, but I wouldn't have asked unless it was an emergency."

"Really, Sheldon, stop apologizing, it's fine. That's what a girlfriend is for, right?"

"Agreed. That's why I've brought my laptop, so we can work on adding emergency sheltering arrangements to The Relationship Agreement."

"Do you mind if we do it tomorrow? It's late."

Sheldon realized Amy did sound tired. How had he not noticed that before? "Okay."

A quietness settled between them, standing there looking at each other.

"Um . . . I made a stack here, on the sofa, of sheets and blankets and towels. Do you need a toothbrush?" Amy became all business.

"No, I brought my own."

"Of course." Suddenly she frowned. "I just thought that I don't have a flashlight to give you if you need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night."

"What about the flash light and extra batteries in your Zombie Apocalypse kit?" _She must be tired to have forgotten about that._

"Uh . . . yea . . . I may not have one of those," Amy murmured.

"Whatever do you mean? I sent you the link from the CDC!" Sheldon gave a big, exasperated sigh. "We'll have to work on that tomorrow also then."

"Yes, let's get right on that." Amy replied flatly.

Sheldon felt frustration flare within himself, and he stared at her. She looked defiantly back at him. _Do not allow yourself to argue with her. She could kick you out to Raj's. _

He took a deep breath. "Thank you, Amy. I will just use the app on my phone if I need a flashlight."

"I'll let you have the bathroom first. Good night, Sheldon."

He watched her back as she walked toward her bedroom. _Is this a mistake?_

* * *

He awoke with a start. What? Where? _Oh, yes, I'm on Amy's sofa._

He sat up and stretched. Even though he had slept, he had not slept well in an unusual place. Dawn was breaking in through the blinds, and all was still. He picked up his phone.

_7:19! I almost missed Doctor Who! _ Scrambling, he walked swiftly and quietly to the bathroom. As he washed his hands, he debated about taking a shower. He wasn't sure he wanted Amy to see him in his pajamas. But was there enough time before _Doctor Who_? And would he wake Amy?

He opened the bathroom door and peered across the short hallway into her bedroom. It was dark, but he could hear her regular, deep breathing. No, he wouldn't risk waking her. She had looked so tired last night.

He went to the kitchen in search of cereal, replaying last night in his mind.

Perhaps he had been rude. But Amy didn't act offended. Like so many things in his relationship with Amy, he found this confounding. _Penny and Leonard always tell me when I'm being rude. Why doesn't Amy? Does she not think I'm rude?_

"_I trust you." _It had been several weeks now, since they'd had that conversation, but Sheldon often found his mind turning back to it. There was something there . . . something in the way Amy said that, something new in those golden flecked eyes. He sometimes regretted that he hadn't asked her, that he had dealt with his feelings by ignoring them and choosing to be practical. It was a reflex for him, he knew it. _I should work on that._

He carried his bowl of cereal over the sofa, and turned on the TV, muting it first and then turning it up loud enough so he could barely hear it, grateful for his Vulcan hearing.

The Tardis was flying through a worm hole as the opening credits ran. "Sheldon, what time is it?"

Startled, Sheldon looked toward the hallway. Amy looked so sweet there, in her nightgown with her hair tangled. "Did I wake you? I'm sorry."

She waved her hand. "It's okay. Are you watching _Doctor Who_?"

"Yes. I almost missed it." He paused. "Would you like to get some cereal and join me?"

"I'm not hungry yet." She walked over and sat down next to him.

Sheldon turned back to the television, but he found he couldn't fully concentrate on the episode or his breakfast. It felt intimate to him, sitting there in his pajamas, Amy in her nightgown, both of them on the sheets in which he'd slept. _Should I put my bowl down and take her hand? _Sheldon would have said he still wasn't a fan of hand holding; but he'd accepted it as a regular part of television watching with Amy, and he found it strange now to not be holding her hand.

He was still contemplating this when her heard her breath deepen and felt a small thud next to him. He turned to look at her, surprised to discover she had fallen asleep, her head back. _I guess this is too early for her. _ He watched her for a few seconds before she turned her head slightly in her sleep. _That looks uncomfortable._

After putting his bowl down, he gently lifted her head and slipped his arm behind it. Before he knew what was happening, Amy had rolled toward him with her head on his chest. He immediately tensed up with the unexpected contact. _Oh boy. Now this is awkward for both of us._

He stayed like that, frozen and unsure what to do. It quickly became uncomfortable, and he realized he would have to move soon. Slowly, he put his arms around Amy and leaned them both back into the corner of the sofa, just like that night she had asked to cuddle with him. Amy murmured a little, but then relaxed completely into it.

With Amy asleep, Sheldon found he could relax, too. He put his chin on the top of her head and watched the rest of _Doctor Who_ in peace while Amy slept in his arms.

* * *

_I love the way her brow furrows when she is really concentrating._ Sheldon shook his head. _What a strange power you have over me, Amy Farrah Fowler!_

He should have been working on the updates to The Relationship Agreement, but, in a shameful display of self-discipline, his mind was wandering. He kept replaying their day, how companionable they had been, how simple and reassuring it had been, how much he enjoyed it.

Amy had awoken just as _Doctor Who_ was ending. There was a flash of embarrassment, but she'd given him her little smile and it quickly faded away. She just casually got up and made herself breakfast while offering him the bathroom first. Then, while she showered and dressed, he folded the blankets and sheets. When asked, she said she normally cleaned on Saturday mornings, so he helped her. Cleaning was always satisfying. She'd suggested a game of chess, and she almost beat him (_but not quite_). They ate lunch while Amy talked about work and her big project that was causing her stress because of the time crunch. Sheldon offered to stock her Zombie Apocalypse kit and work on The Relationship Agreement so that she could work.

And now, for three hours, he'd sat at the table on his laptop, alternating typing with watching Amy at her computer. It was complete waste of time to watch her, he knew, but somehow he kept finding his eyes drawn back to her. He studied her profile, the perfect curves of her ear, her little earlobe . . . Sometimes he thought he felt her looking at him, but when he glanced up she wasn't. But had her head just snapped? _I am not sure._

He knew something was shifting between them other than the San Andreas fault. It was the same feeling he'd had the night on the train and on that night after he'd explored her face. He wasn't sure yet what it was. Both of those had been physical, but, other than cuddling while she slept, they hadn't touched today.

Not that he would have been opposed to it. Ever since that night he opened up the possibility of more than just lips touching, he had found there were so many different ways one could be kissed, ways that were never explained in all his technical research. There were quick kisses good-bye in a hurry (or hello before the others arrived), there were slow, gentle kisses while fingers drew through each other's hair memorizing every follicle, there were hot kisses along the zyomatic bone that drove him wild with desire, there were calming kisses on the forehead, and there was once even a silly kiss from Amy on the tip of his nose when he made a blunder while filming Fun with Flags. He smiled at the memory.

"_I trust you."_

She'd said that to him, again, earlier, when he'd asked if he should update The Relationship Agreement alone. Again, he'd had an odd feeling they weren't talking about the same thing. Which was absurd, of course. _Amy always understands me._ So why did she say -

He startled out of his reverie by the sound of his phone. A text from Leonard. [[Good news. The air conditioning is fixed ahead of schedule! We're on our way to pick you up.]]

"Oh."

"What's wrong? Who was it?" Amy turned to him. He hadn't realized that he had spoken out loud. And did he sound like something was wrong? _What a strange question._

"Nothing. Leonard says that the air conditioner is functioning again, and we can all return home. He and Penny will pick me up. I'd better make sure everything is in order." He closed his laptop and got up.

"So you're leaving." She stood, too.

"Yes. Obviously. It's laundry night, and I was quite disturbed that I wouldn't be able to do it here. And, of course, I'd be more comfortable in my own bed tonight."

"Obviously."

Sheldon paused. He felt that same shift he'd noticed before. "Amy, are you caught up on your work?"

"Almost everything I can do here. Maybe just an hour or so left," she sounded confused.

"Could you do it tomorrow, do you think?" Suddenly he felt shy, "I mean, I feel I ought to . . . I want to repay your hospitality. If you'd like, you could come with me and we could do laundry together tonight. I'll have to wash your sheets and blankets anyway and it might be simpler if you were there." He finished in a rush.

She raised her eyebrows but then smiled. "I'll get my hamper. You text Leonard and tell him I'll drive you home."

* * *

_**AN: I am aware that Amy does not have a full size couch, but I decided to take poetic license. And if we only wanted reality, we wouldn't be writing and reading fanfic. **_


	8. The Separation Equation

**Chapter 8: The Separation Equation**

For almost all women, the idea of doing laundry in an airless basement room on a Saturday night with a man suffering from OCD propensities was a nightmare, not a romantic encounter. Fortunately, Amy wasn't most women.

It had been five weeks to the day since Sheldon had surprised her by asking her to do laundry with him. It would have been an unusual request for anyone other than Sheldon. And, as she had learned in the past few months, once Sheldon started something new and the initial fear or awkwardness passed, he accepted that new activity unequivocally. He folded it into his schedule and assumed it would always happen. That is how Amy found herself spending her last five Saturday nights doing laundry with Sheldon.

Amy had learned something else since that night on the train. She had learned that romance was what you make; it was a habit, not an act. She didn't need flowers when he brought over _Castle_ Season 1 on DVD instead, because he wanted to watch it from the beginning with her. She didn't need poetry when Sheldon told her he noticed there were golden flecks in her eyes sometimes that looked like the stars during warp flight. She didn't need music when she heard Sheldon's breathy, catching laugh at her jokes.

She also found that laundry night was one of their happiest. She supposed that it was because they could both be busy, working at something simple but important with their hands. Sheldon was always happiest when he was busy. This was the night for trivialities, and nothing of import, really, was discussed; yet the collection of all those trivialities was immense to her.

"That's the last item I need for my trip. My list is complete," Sheldon's voice brought her back to the present. He placed the perfectly folded shirt into the suitcase and shut the lid. _Oh, yes, he's leaving for Texas tomorrow._

Amy spoke. "That just leaves my load of towels. They're almost dry." Sheldon nodded in response. "Will you do your laundry next Saturday at your mother's or will you wait to do it on Sunday after you've returned?"

"Saturday night is laundry night, even in Texas, Amy." He raised an eyebrow at her. _I so love that look._

"Will I see you on Sunday? I know you said Leonard was picking you up at the airport."

He paused to think for a second, barely any time at all. "Yes, that would be agreeable. You could come over for dinner after I've unpacked. I'll text you when I've arrived in case the plane is late." He sighed softly, "It's always my curse."

"I have to admit it will be strange not to see you in the flesh for a whole week." Amy kept her voice calm and neutral. _I will not tell him I'll miss him. What if he doesn't say he'll miss me too?_

But when he turned his body more fully toward her, she felt the weight of melancholy in the room.

"Amy, I . . ." (_Train voice Sheldon! He wants to kiss me! Or, wait, is he actually going to tell me he's going to miss me?_) He swallowed hard and started again, "I don't know how to say this but . . .I . . ."

He stopped speaking and reached down to hold her face with both his hands. He leaned down and whispered shyly in her ear, "May I have a kiss before I leave?"

"Of course," she whispered back. In his own way, Sheldon had told her was going to miss her. She felt his gentle kisses on along her cheekbone, and she allowed all the feelings that brought to flow through her. _ I love it when Sheldon kisses my face._ He almost reached her lips before retreating back to very edge of her cheek.

"May I kiss your ear?" he whispered. Her heart pounded in her chest. _That's new. How long has he been thinking about that?_ She nodded mutely.

He started at the top, pressing the tiniest of kisses all along the outer curve of her ear. _Hoo_, _that's hot._ A little kiss on her earlobe. Then another, firmer kiss there. And then, completely unexpectedly, she felt his lips hold her earlobe between them for a second. _I'm going to pass out. _ The universe exploded open then as she felt something warm and wet and _Oh my God, is that Sheldon's tongue? _twirl around her earlobe. She thought she truly was passing out for a moment, but without speaking, without stopping, Sheldon quickly grabbed her around the waist, keeping her upright and pulling her toward him.

Then he left her earlobe and started kissing her neck, traveling forcefully down to her Adam's apple, not the gentle dry kisses she knew so well, but hot, passionate, sloppy kisses. He reached the base of her neck, and she felt a wet fleck right between her collar bones. _Is this a dream?_

Sheldon abruptly pulled back and stared down at her, his breath coming in little pants, his face flushed, and his eyes looking wild. He locked eyes with her but didn't speak.

Amy spoke first, gingerly, "Do we need to stop?"

"Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know. I shouldn't have done that without asking. I want . . ." He pulled her in again, and his lips met hers. And again. And again. He kept kissing her, holding it longer each time, moving his lips on hers.

Amy brought her hands up to his hair. Then, tentatively, she felt his mouth open ever so slightly. _Is this really happening? _ She opened her mouth, too, and she felt his tongue flick her lips. Without thinking, just feeling, she responded in kind, and then his tongue was in her mouth and she thought he was drinking from her and she was drowning in all these feelings and she felt pulsing and _if there is a God don't ever let this stop _-

Buzzzzz. The dryer went off. They jumped apart as though the other was on fire. _I know I feel like I'm on fire._

Sheldon looked back at her with those wild eyes, his hair in disarray. Terror seized through Amy. _Be calm, be calm._

"Should we?" she waved her hand toward the dryer. Sheldon didn't reply, he just brought his hand up to smooth his hair.

She stepped away and opened the dryer door. As she was pulling the towels out into the basket, Sheldon came to help her. Together, they went to the table and started folding towels. Neither of them spoke.

Silently, with motions perfected over the past several weeks, Amy's towels were folded, her laundry was assembled, and Sheldon helped her carry it out to her car.

Just as she was about to get in, she turned and said, "Good-bye, Sheldon. Have a good time in Texas. You will text when you've landed safely?"

"Yes. I promised." He sounded distracted.

She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "I know. I trust you."

* * *

Amy was practically running up the stairs. She forced herself to slow down. _Be calm, be calm._

She'd felt so jittery all day. It's had been one of the longest weeks of her life, and it was almost to an end. She wondered what it would be like be in Sheldon's presence again. He was so distracted when she left, and she was afraid it was worse than distraction, that it was despair. His first few texts after the laundry room had been short and basic. [[Good night, Amy]]. [[Landed safely.]] She knew he needed time to process new things, especially things that surprised him, but she was terrified he was retreating.

Then her phone had rung at precisely 7:00 p.m. Glendale time on Sunday, and there was Sheldon's face, exactly as scheduled. He was quiet that night, but each night was better. By Thursday, they were back to laughing and playing a game of virtual Settlers. But this might be different. Should she try to kiss him hello? No, she would she wait on him.

She took the last step up and paused in front of Sheldon's door. One deep breath in. She raised her arm, but before she could knock the door opened.

"Sheldon." One long exhale.

"Amy. I heard you coming. Vulcan hearing," he said stiffly.

"Yes. I'm glad you're back."

"Me too." He still hadn't moved or stepped aside so she could enter.

"Should we -" Before she could finish her sentence, Sheldon was there. Holding her face, kissing her lips, finding her mouth, imprinting her with his tongue. As sensual as she had thought the kiss in the laundry room was, this was exponentially more stirring, all of last week's hesitation was absent. She forgot her name, she forgot where she was, she couldn't have told herself the definition of neurobiology, she forgot everything. Her mind stopped functioning and all she could do was taste. Time started playing tricks with her again.

"Holy crap on a cracker!" Penny's scream ripped through her senses, and she jumped away from Sheldon.

There were Penny and Leonard across the hall, standing in Penny's doorway, mouths hanging open. Penny had her purse, they were going out. The four of them stood there, staring at each other. She could hear Sheldon panting next to her. She reached out for his hand, hoping to calm both of them, and he took it.

"Um . . . well . . . so that happened," Leonard finally said after what felt like hours.

"Yes, it did." Amy snapped her head to look at Sheldon in shock. His face was bright red, but his voice didn't quiver at all. She did not expect this amount of control from him at this moment. "We do that now. And that's all I'm going to say about it. Forever."

He pulled her forcefully into his apartment and slammed the door on the shocked faces across the hall. Once inside he dropped her hand and sank into the door, dropping down to the floor. "That was so embarrassing," he wailed. "I don't know what came over me. I'll never hear the end of this."

Amy burst out laughing. She hadn't planned on laughing, she really didn't want to laugh, but the release felt so good.

Sheldon looked up at her with alarm. "You think this is funny?"

She was laughing so hard she couldn't reply. She rode her laughter to its end, wiping the tears away from her cheek and crouched down in front of Sheldon. "Well, yes, in a way. Did you see the looks on their faces?"

Sheldon cocked his head, considering. "I suppose I can see why it might be considered humorous to see them both so stunned and speechless. Especially Penny, she's never speechless. But we'll still be ridiculed, you know."

Amy sat down the floor next to him. He shifted over to give her room. "I don't know about that. You were pretty forceful with them. I like in control Dr. Cooper."

His chest puffed up a little bit. "I was in control, wasn't I?"

"It was probably silly of us to think they'd never find out we were kissing like that."

He gave a big sigh. "Yes, you're probably right. To be honest, I'm surprised you didn't spill the beans to the chatterboxes on girls' night."

"Hey! I know when something is private to you!" She gave him a playful smack on the arm. He grabbed her hand, and wove his fingers through hers. She raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Can I tell you something else private?"

"Of course."

"I wanted to kiss you like that all week."

Her heart leapt. She reached over and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

He smiled at her. "I'm four hours behind on my television viewing schedule. We can't sit on the floor all night discussing our feelings like hippies. Especially as I've been gone for a week, and I know Leonard wouldn't clean the floor. And I'm not wearing my bus pants."

_My Sheldon is back._ He stood and helped her up.

* * *

**_AN: Thanks to my friend AMG who, unbeknownst to her, gave me the exact thing Leonard would say in this scene. _**


	9. The Literary Contemplation

**Chapter 9: The Literary Contemplation**

"That was delicious, Amy." Sheldon walked toward the sofa, patting himself on the stomach.

"Thank you." Amy came to join him, stopping at the book case to pick up a package. She held it out to him.

A present. Wrapped in what looked like a crude simplification of the Milky Way and topped with a bow. Sheldon groaned internally.

"What's this?"

"What does it look like? It's a gift." She kept holding it out, just in front of him, and he felt he had no choice but to take it.

"Obviously. But it's not my birthday. Or -" he paused just long enough to complete his calendar analysis "- any other day of import."

"I know. It's just a gift, just because." She shrugged as she sat down.

"Amy, you know I don't like gifts because of all the social obligations they imply. There's always strings attached." He raised an eyebrow.

She smirked at him. "Oh, there's definitely a string attached, Dr. Cooper."

His felt his chest seize. What if it's something sexual? He had no idea what that something sexual would be, but then his entire world had changed in the last month. _I'm not ready for this!_ he wanted to scream. He was just getting adjusted to the inexplicable but thrilling feelings that overcame him when he exchanged saliva with Amy. He was finally getting used to his arousal and learning how useful cold showers could be.

He tore at the paper in a frenzy of fear. Relief washed over him. _It's a book._ "_A Natural History of Dragons: A Memoir by Lady Trent._" He read the title aloud, mostly to reassure himself it was not a companion tome to the horrible book Leonard and Penny had given him. He looked up at Amy, confused, "It's a novel? But I don't read novels."

"I thought you might like this one. I started it a few days ago, and I thought maybe we could read it together and discuss it," she said. _Ah, the string._

"Like a book club?"

"Well, yes."

"But why?" He knew Amy read fiction, and he thought it was just one of those odd but endearing little quirks he liked about her. Sometimes she even read it in his presence, when he was busy working on a complex equation on his whiteboard. But why on Earth would he waste his time reading novels?

"Because I like to read. And I think you'd like this book. And I would like to discuss it with my intellectual equal. And I'm always doing things you like that I don't particularly care for."

_Ah, the knot in the string_. As always, Amy wanted more from him. Irritation rose within him. Why couldn't she be happy with the status quo? Why she was always pushing him to try new things? Well, he would just explain it to her logically.

"I can't read this novel because I don't read fiction. I have too many scholarly scientific journals to read on a weekly basis. There simply isn't enough time to read fiction."

"You find time to read comic books."

"Of course, but -" But what? Had Amy just tricked him? He did find time to read comic books. And, as much as it pained him to admit it, comic books were fiction. Ergo . . .

He noticed Amy was trying very hard not to smile. But there was mirth in her eyes. _You vixen._

He gave an exaggerated sigh and then glared at her so that she would know just how disgusted he was with the whole situation. "Fine. You win. I'll read the book. Only this book. And then I'll relish telling you what mindless drivel it was and how it was complete waste of both of our times. And I will say I told you so."

She crossed her arms and attempted to glare back at him. But there was no hiding the smile in her eyes. "Oh, I'm counting on it, Dr. Cooper."

_Amy is flirting with me. _ As always, Amy's flirting made him feel both irritated and stimulated at the same time, although lately the latter was far outweighing the former. It was an odd sensation. He chose to ignore it. "In fact, Dr. Fowler, I'm going to start reading it right now."

He settled back into the sofa with force, pleased with the exaggerated flopping sound it made, and opened the book.

"What a good idea." Amy reached over and picked up her Kindle. _ Has that been there all along? _And then she curled up next to him and leaned against his shoulder. _Was this a plan? _ Had she planned all these maneuvers like some sort of game of chess? Well, he was not going to let anyone, even Amy, beat him at chess. He was going to give this stupid novel his full attention and prove her wrong.

And that's how he found himself, when he finally looked up three chapters later to rub his drying eyes. _ Oh, Albert Einstein, what has happened here?!_ He snuck a look down and over at Amy, still leaning against his arm, contentedly reading. She seemed engrossed and didn't look up at him. He surprised himself by feeling . . . serene.

It was so strange. He and Amy had sat in silence before, watching television or working in close proximity. But this felt deeper somehow. He blamed the novel, of course._ So all those horrid 19th century busybodies were right after all and novels could really rot one's brain._ How else to explain how comfortable he felt at this moment? He had allowed himself to get lost in the words; and the only thought other than the story to cross his mind was that, in some ways, the protagonist of this little publication reminded him of Amy, and that was . . . delightful.

_Delightful?!_ This was getting absurd. Before he knew it, they would be talking about their feelings. _I should leave, right now._ But then Amy shifted next to him, rearranging her legs. She looked up at him and smiled and returned to the book. She didn't seem surprised at all he was looking at her, just pleased. _Well, maybe just one more chapter . . ._

* * *

**_AN: Yes, it's a real book, written by Marie Brennan. If you like the idea of a __Shamy book club, please enjoy my companion story, The Fowler Cooper Publication Federation._**


	10. The Halloween Quandary

**Chapter 10: The Halloween Quandary**

Amy had just turned the page in her book when she heard it.

Knock, knock, knock. "Amy."

Knock, knock, knock. "Amy."

Knock, knock, knock. "Amy."

Sheldon. She wasn't surprised. He was always finding excuses to come over lately. She got up and opened the door to him.

"Amy, something horrible has happened!" he blurted out.

"Sheldon, what's wrong?" She moved aside so he could enter.

"Our Halloween plans are in complete shambles. It's all ruined."

She let out a breath of relief. Just a Sheldon emergency, not a real emergency. "I'll make you a hot beverage." She moved to the kitchen. "Are we not all still going as The Avengers? You already had your Spiderman costume and -"

"That's just it. One hour ago Stuart issued a Facebook invitation to a Famous Couples of Science Fiction and Fantasy Masquerade at his store! Didn't you see it?"

"No, sorry, I've been reading."

He hrumphed. "And then Leonard told me Penny thinks it would be more fun. And Howard and Bernadette want to go, too! Over The Avengers!"

She passed him a hot mug of tea. "Don't you think it might be fun?" she tried to disguise the hurt she felt. Why did Sheldon always say the most hurtful things without realizing it?

"It's not the theme I'm opposed to" - her heart leapt - "it is the short notice. Really, who only decides on a Halloween costume on the first of October? How will we come up with something without months of advance planning? It's the most important holiday of the year!"

Amy suppressed a smile as she put her hand on his arm to guide him to the sofa. "Well, we have an advantage over the other couples, of course. We're both geniuses, after all."

Sheldon gave her a smile. "See, I knew once the initial shock wore off, you'd apply all of your energy to the problem. Of course, I've already thought it about, and I've come up with five possible couples. With this time limitation, none of them are perfect, we'll just have to discuss the merits of each. There's Beta Spock and Beta Uhura, but we'd have to get new costumes as neither one of us has Beta uniforms. There's Hans Solo and Princess Leia, but I've always seen myself more as Luke Skywalker. And there's Batman and Cat Woman, but I don't know if they'd count in the colloquial sense of the word couple -"

"What about my ideas, Sheldon?" He really could prattle on like an old woman sometimes.

He snorted. "Really, Amy. It's a Famous Couples of Science Fiction and Fantasy Masquerade, which would obviously not include such couples as Romeo and Juliet or Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett. Pay attention."

Amy was surprised, but not by his tone. "You know who Darcy and Elizabeth are?"

"Amy, you know I can read. In fact, I took a class on Nineteenth Century British Literature. Not by choice, of course. I had to take a great number of ridiculous courses that had nothing at all to do with science in order to fulfill the stupid requirements of a bachelor's degree. Our secondary education system is in shambles. But, yes, I've read _Pride and Prejudice_." He finally took a drink of his tea. "Now, stop distracting me. Back to the task at hand."

"River Song and The Doctor." Now it was Sheldon's turn to look surprised.

"You know who River Song is? About her and The Doctor?" _He's so cute when he's underestimated me._

"Yes. I've been watching _Doctor Who_ on Netflix. I started that week you were in Texas." She looked down, "I was missing you, and I wanted to be reminded of you. It made sense to me when I started from the beginning. I've discovered I like it a lot."

"Oh," said train voice Sheldon. He coughed. "Yes, that's actually a good idea."

She looked back up to him, willing him to kiss her with her eyes. She thought he might be considering it, but then he shook his head. "Oh, no, you don't Amy Farrah Fowler! I will not let you tempt me away from important work. And don't think I'm letting you off the hook for watching _Doctor Who _without informing me. I'll think of a suitable punishment later." (_Oh, yes, please do.)_ "How do you propose we accomplish this?"

"Well, we should decide which Doctor you want to be first, the tenth or the eleventh. I guess it depends on whether you want to wear a trench coat or a bow tie."

He sighed. "Do you not understand how this works? It's not about what I want, it's about what is the most authentic."

"Then it should be the eleventh Doctor, he spent the most time with River."

Sheldon nodded. "Agreed. But what about you? River Song has more choices. There's early Melody from high school, there's archeologist River Song, there's astronaut River Song -"

She silenced him by putting her finger to his lips. Leaving it there, she shook her head. "Tsk, tsk. Spoilers!"

His pupils dilated, and he said in his train voice, "Amy, did you just wink at me while quoting a line from the greatest British import of our time?"

"Maybe."

"Oh, Dr. Fowler, you vixen!" And he pulled her close for a long, deep kiss.


	11. The Location Altercation

**Chapter 11: The Location Altercation**

Something was off about Amy. Sheldon couldn't decide what, exactly, but she seemed distracted. Yes, she had her usual sweet smile for him when he arrived, and she remained the same brilliant conversationalist throughout dinner. But there was an undercurrent running through her words.

It was during a game of Counterfactuals that he realized Amy was nervous and upset. The game was going well, Amy had prepared a challenging set of questions, but her responses seemed rote. When she challenged him about _A Tale of Two Cities_, he knew something was wrong. She had clearly written it in advance, she must have hoped to stump him by referencing a stupid novel he read years ago (_I should have never told her about that class in undergrad_); but even though he knew his answer was sub par, she accepted it without a counter challenge. He couldn't help but internally puff up a little bit, gloating that everyone else was wrong and he could read nonverbal cues, after all.

"Amy, are you all right? You seem distracted."

Amy jumped, actual physical jerking. Sheldon was surprised. She was more tense and on edge then he thought.

"I have something to tell you, Sheldon, and I'm not sure how you'll react." Her voice quivered a bit.

"Proceed."

"Remember I told you that I had a call this afternoon with Dr. Matthews from the Berkley neuroscience division?"

"Of course."

"Well, it wasn't about my research, exactly. He . . ." She looked down and starting picking at the edge of her cardigan. She took a deep breath. "He offered me a job. He wants me to go work there, to be chief of the neuroscience lab."

"Amy, that's wonderful news." Why was she so nervous about that? This was huge career advancement for her.

Her head jerked back up, and she stared at him. "How is that wonderful news?"

"Why, Amy, it's great professional opportunity for you. You would probably get more funding. You'd be able to decide on your own research needs. It puts you one step closer to the Nobel Prize." Sheldon furrowed his brow. He was confused.

"But I'd have to move."

_Why is her voice getting louder? _"So? If it's good for your career and long term scientific goals, I don't see how you can not take it."

"You don't care that I'd have to move hours away from here?"

Oh no, Amy was angry. Sheldon was shocked. Why? What had he said? Sometimes she could be so irrational. "What is geography when it comes to scientific advancement, Amy? What difference does it make where you make your big discovery as long as you make it? Don't you want the money and freedom to make that advancement?"

Tears slipped out of Amy's eyes. _Why is she crying? _She said between her tears, "But what about us?"

"Us? Obviously, I'll stay here where my work is."

Amy wiped her face with her hand in an angry move. _ I've done something wrong, and I don't understand what. _"So you'd break up with me for our careers?"

Sheldon was shocked again. _Really, women can be so emotional._ "Who said anything about breaking up? We'll just make a paradigm shift in The Relationship Agreement. We'll set nightly FaceTime appointments like we did when I went to Texas, and we'll make a schedule for weekend trips. Oh, I can take the train!"

A sound escaped from Amy that was different from anything he had heard before. It was sad and angry and full of air and it sounded physically painful to him. What was happening here?

"Leave, Sheldon."

"Why are you angry at me? I don't understand your reaction!" Sheldon felt his own anger rising.

Amy stood and marched to the door, opening it. "If you don't understand what's happening here, then we have nothing to discuss."

"But Amy -"

"Per the statutes of The Relationship Agreement, I am giving you 48 hours notice that we need to have a serious conversation about this. Maybe in those 48 hours you can apply all of your 187 IQ points to the situation and figure out what is wrong. If you can't, then I guess you're not as smart as you think you are. Now leave!"

He had never seen Amy this way before. She was so very angry, she must also be sad as she was crying, and she was purposely hurting him by insulting his intelligence. He was shocked and frightened. He got up and walked toward her at the door. He reached out to touch her arm -

"Just leave, please." This time she didn't yell it. She said it so calmly, so coldly, tears still running down her face. It was worse than a scream. Sheldon didn't know what to do, what to say, how to make this right. He turned and left.

The door slammed shut behind him. He stood there. Then he heard that painful sound again. And again. She's sobbing, he realized. It was the most horrible sound he had ever heard.

* * *

He was surprised to find Leonard home, sitting in his chair, watching television. He dropped his keys in the bowl and started to remove his jacket. "You're home?"

"Yeah, Penny and Bernadette went to watch some chic flick. Amy must have really wanted to see you, she turned them down." Leonard screwed up his face. "Hey, you're home early. What's up?"

Sheldon turned to face him. Before he could reply, Leonard said, "Man, buddy, you look terrible! Are you sick? Did something happen?"

He had thought on the bus ride home that he just wanted to be alone, but he now realized that talking things through with Leonard might help. He almost wailed, "Yes, I've made Amy angry at me, and I don't understand why."

"I'll make you some tea." Leonard clicked off the TV and went to the kitchen. Sheldon sat down on one of the stools. After a few minutes filled with just the sound of the kettle being started, Leonard said, "So . . . what happened?"

"Amy was offered the position of Chief of Neurobiology at UC Berkley. She asked me what I thought about it, and I told her she should take it. Then she was angry at me." Sheldon took the offered mug. "I'm so confused."

Leonard stood next to the island, leaning against it. "Maybe she was hurt."

"Hurt? Why? I was supporting her career ambitions. How is that hurtful?"

"Well, she'd have to move to the Bay Area, right? Maybe she doesn't want to be that far away from you. Long distance relationships can be hard."

"Not for us. We're both brilliant. I told her we'd FaceTime every evening, and we'd work out a plan to alternate weekend trips."

"Don't you think she would see that as a step back?"

"What do you mean?" Sheldon was irritated, Leonard was only making this more confusing.

Leonard sighed. "I mean that FaceTime isn't the same as seeing someone in person every evening. When's the last time you and Amy didn't spend part of a day together? You always find excuses. You even do laundry together. What about The Relationship Agreement? You hardly ever mention it anymore. I even hear that you two have making out a lot lately. I think Amy thought the same thing the rest of us did, that you're in a happy, normal relationship. If she moves away, everything could change."

Sheldon stared down into his tea. Leonard was right about the amount of the time they spent together now. So much he'd forgotten to keep his log book. Now that he thought about it, they were breaking so many rules in The Relationship Agreement. The total disregard for structure should have made him angry, but now he could only focus on something Leonard had said.

"You think we are happy and normal?" He'd never considered himself normal.

"Well, not you. You'll never be normal. I just meant your relationship was more normal. At least you're happy, right?"

_No, not just happy. We're content. _ He hadn't thought of that before, and he found that the knowledge of his contentment with Amy made him even more content. But, for Leonard, he just nodded.

"It probably hurt her when you didn't realize how happy she was with you. And maybe she thought you weren't happy with her. I'd be hurt if I thought the person I loved wasn't happy with me."

Something very, very tiny, only microns wide, started to pierce Sheldon's chest. It was like the most painfully exquisite bee sting ever. He gasped. "You think Amy loves me?"

Leonard shrugged. "Sure. Don't you see it?"

This new feeling was burrowing in now, drilling from the inside out, opening a small crack. His eidetic memory flew. The laughter, the listening ear, the cup of tea always when he needed it, the warm smiles, the little touches from her hands, the fiery touches from her lips, the little gifts, the listening ear, the silly jokes, the cute little texts, the gold flecks glittering in her eyes when she looked at him. The little crack had expanded to a fissure. _"I trust you." _ _Amy loves me. That's what she had meant! And I never knew. How could I not? I feel so stupid! What's wrong with me? How long have I missed this?_

"Listen, Sheldon. Let me explain this to you terms you'll understand. You're going as Doctor Who and River Song to Stuart's party right?"

Sheldon nodded. "If she'll still go with me."

Leonard flicked his hand. "We'll worry about that tomorrow. Right now, I think you should think about River. What is so important to her that she writes down every detail her blue book?"

This new, strange pain was spreading down his legs and his arms. Leonard stood up straight and added, not unkindly, "You should be able to figure this out, Sheldon. Good night."

Leonard left him alone at the island, his untouched tea rapidly cooling in his hands, his entire body filled with this new heat.

Could it be? Maybe . . . possibly . . .


	12. The Heartbreak Extraction

**Chapter 12: The Heartbreak Extraction**

Amy awoke with the confusion and panic that only accompanies a pounding head, a spinning room, and a rolling stomach. Clutching her stomach, she launched out of bed and swiftly ran to the bathroom. She vomited forcefully.

When the nausea passed, she washed out her mouth. She wondered if she had a virus as she didn't drink hardly any wine the previous night. Just the one glass before Sheldon -

_Sheldon Cooper doesn't love me._ Her head cleared enough to allow the painful memory to resurface. The pain that was in her stomach made itself known in her chest. She moaned and returned to her bed, curling up in the fetal position.

_I've been living in a world of delusions. _ She had thought (_no, I was certain_), for several months now that Sheldon loved her and just didn't know it yet. She didn't quite know how the revelation of his true feelings was supposed to come to him, but she had faith that one day he would look at her and see her in a whole new light. Some little thing she would do or say or some little memory would clarify everything to him. But now she realized that she had been wrong. He truly didn't love her. How could a man who loved her, even subconsciously, just sit there and be so genuinely confused by what she was asking? His confusion had been too real, his lack of understanding too profound.

She didn't remember when she first fell in love with Sheldon, but she clearly remembered when she knew without a doubt. It was the night they had played Dungeons and Dragons in his bedroom. He was so honest and direct and yet so vulnerable and timid. It was the first time that he told her what she hoped for, that he was trying so very hard for her. And then he showed her, in his own geeky way, that he knew exactly what she wanted and he knew how to make it happen. Someday. She wanted to tell him that night, but stopped herself. She wanted to tell him the night on the train but was too flustered.

But she had been telling him, in a way. Not just with her actions, which she hoped were the actions of woman in love (_how does one know these things, really?_). Without knowing it, Sheldon himself had given her the opening, and she walked through it without thinking. He had just done something else she knew was painfully difficult for him, first exploring her face and then allowing her to return the sensations. Then he had asked if she trusted him. Yes, of course she did. Then she told him again that she trusted him with her words, but what she was telling him in her heart was that she loved him. She tried to squeeze the meaning into the words for him.

She hadn't planned on it even as she was saying it. It was only two days later, while at work, that she remembered _The Princess Bride. "As you wish." _ So it wasn't an original idea, but she found that it suited her. She could tell Sheldon that she loved him without saying she loved him. For she had realized that when you desperately love someone you have to tell them in order to breathe and stay alive. She'd said it a few times since; and there was once, before he left for Texas, she thought he might have cross referenced her words with the plot of a movie from his childhood and realized the truth. But he didn't. She now suspected it was because he would have to have also cross reference it with his own feelings, in some sort of emotional Venn diagram, and since he didn't love her, his frame of reference was missing.

So, if Sheldon didn't love her, what were they doing? They had grown so much closer, exponentially even since that night he had admitted they were growing closer. Not just physically closer, but emotionally and mentally. They saw each other almost every single day, sometimes Sheldon would even show up spontaneously at her apartment. He'd even stayed over two more nights now, on her couch, saying he was too tired to leave. Then they'd spent all of Saturday together, cleaning and puttering, and just being. They'd settled into a routine of conversations and laughter. They'd tried new things, too. They played Ticket to Ride, and he looked so cute in his engineer's hat. He'd read the book she gave him and, surprisingly, seriously discussed it. Of course, it wasn't perfect. He could be selfish and childish and so frustrating at times. They had mastered the art of the crossed arm glare. But they always worked through it, sometimes by just letting it go and sometimes by having an actual adult conversation.

_Why did his kiss me, then, if he doesn't love me? _ Sheldon, who let hardly anyone touch him, even those he cared about the most, was kissing her. Frequently. Passionately. Not just on the lips or the face, but her ear lobes and especially her neck. She'd taken to undoing an extra button on her shirt just to allow him to bury his face in her neck. And he welcomed her doing the same. She remembered his kiss when he returned from Texas, when it felt like he was trying to crawl inside of her. And she had wanted - still did want - almost nothing more.

_Except for Sheldon to love me and, for once, be selfish when I need him to be and tell me he would miss me if I left._

No closer to any answers, Amy fell into a fitful sleep.

* * *

The chirping of her phone woke her. That would be Sheldon's good morning call. But when she opened her eyes, the sun streaming in her window made her aware that it was far too late in the day for Sheldon's good morning call. Her heart sank even further as she picked up her phone.

Penny. _It's good to see the Los Robles Avenue gossip mill is functioning correctly._

"Good morning, Penny."

"Amy! How are you?"

"So you've heard?"

"Yeah, sorry, sweetie, but Leonard just told me. He said you got a job offer and you and Sheldon got into a fight and now Sheldon's upset."

"Sheldon's upset?"

"Uh, yeah! Apparently he sat in the kitchen until like two in morning, when Leonard woke up and found him. He's only left his room today to go to the bathroom. He's been in there watching those Doctor-thingie shows."

Amy groaned silently. The party was tonight. Well, it didn't matter now, she wasn't going anymore.

"Thank you for calling, Penny, but I'm . . . fine."

"You don't sound fine."

"Well, as I'm sure you can understand, it was upsetting to argue with Sheldon. But we've made an agreement to discuss it again tomorrow night. I can't really do anything more about it until then." _Actually Sheldon never acknowledged that we'd talk about it again._

"But you are still going to Stuart's party tonight, right?" Penny didn't give her time to reply. "Oh, Amy, just come and hang out with us girls. It's at the comic book store, so you know the boys will ignore us. And I'm dying to see your costume!"

Amy felt torn. She did want to see her friends, she did want to wear her costume she worked so hard on getting perfect, she did want to have fun and forget about Sheldon for a few hours.

"But Sheldon will be there. In fact, isn't the plan for the four of us to drive over there together?"

"You leave Sheldon to me. Just ignore him. Please, please, Amy, pretty please?" Amy knew there was no resisting Penny when she begged.

"Okay. I'll come to hang out with you and Bernadette, nothing more."

"Yeah, I'm so excited. See you at seven."

Amy threw the phone down, even more disgusted with herself.

* * *

After moping all day, Amy forced herself to take a shower. _Maybe it's not too late to cancel. _ No, that sort of thing would just bring Penny banging on her door demanding she get dressed.

Then she stood in her bedroom facing a dilemma. Of the undergarment variety. There were all of her sensible, white cotton bras. And there was the brand new black lace one she'd purchased. Amy had had a plan. She had chosen her costume with care. It was modest, with a longer skirt and sleeves even than she normally wore. But her décolletage was on full display. If Sheldon loved her suprasternal notch so much, she was going to serve it to him on a platter. And later, she would bring him home and undo those tiny black buttons in the front of her dress and lead him to second base.

_What a fool I was! _ The hopelessness of the situation was crushing. Her eyes landed on the red curly wig. What would River Song do? She certainly wouldn't hide in her bedroom all night. And she'd definitely wear the black bra.

Amy knew exactly what she would do. She would go to the party. She would wear the bra. She would wear the dress. But she wouldn't wear the wig or the gun. She'd go as herself. She would talk to Sheldon. She would play in the Trivial Pursuit competition they'd signed up for. She would be brilliant. She would laugh with the girls. Hell, she'd even dance with Sheldon if he asked. She'd be cool, calm, and collected. She wanted, _needed_, Sheldon to see it all.

She'd been Snow White for him, she'd been Nurse Chapel for him, but she wouldn't be River Song for him, not completely. She would be Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler for him.


	13. The Time Lord Epiphany

**Chapter 13: The Time Lord Epiphany**

Adjusting his red bow tie in the mirror, Sheldon frowned. _I've probably ruined Halloween forever._

He'd actually been looking forward to Stuart's party, not because he enjoyed parties but because he was excited to see what Amy had picked as her costume. She'd been coy and playful about it for almost a month now. Sheldon was not a patient man; but, even though a large part of him was still irritated at her unwillingness to share, he had to admit a part of him was enjoying her little game. Much more than her recent ridiculous obsession with 19th century British literature.

After their argument, he was certain she'd never come to the party with him. Oddly, that hadn't bothered him as much as knowing how angry she was at him, and that surprised him. _Amy's feelings are more important to me than Halloween._ How had that happened? Once again, that shrill pain started spreading out from his chest. _No, no, no. I will not think about that again. Penny worked hard to convince Amy to come tonight, and I promised her I would act grateful and be polite. I will be calm and pleasant and even chivalrous, but I will not think that again. Every time I think like that I can't breathe. _

He was just turning the corner in the hallway, sliding the sonic screwdriver into his interior jacket pocket, when he heard Penny exclaim, "Wow, Amy! You look amazing! I love your hair!"

Sheldon looked up and came to a complete stop. The exquisite pain returned, like hot lava, and he gasped. Amy stood just inside the door, and she did look amazing. The black dress fell to the floor and her arms were covered in sheer fabric, and it was beautiful. It hugged her waist, and the visible part of her chest was the creamiest color he'd ever seen, her collar bones were more beautiful that he'd imagined. He was glad to see she still wore her glasses and that her hair was only lightly curled. She still looked like Amy. Of all the River Song variations he had considered, this was not the one he had expected. _But it's perfect._

Amy stared back at him from across the room. She didn't look angry, but she looked . . . what? Evenly, without betraying a hint of her emotions, she said to him, "Hello, sweetie."

The pain intensified and he opened his mouth but found he couldn't speak. He shut it again quickly.

"Since when do you call Sheldon sweetie?" Penny was confused.

Never breaking eye contact with Amy, Sheldon found some words. "She's Melody Malone, River Song's pseudonym, from The Angels Take Manhattan, season seven, episode five."

"Oookay," Penny still sounded confused. "But why did she call you sweetie like that?"

It was Amy's turn to speak, her tone still so uniform, her eyes still haunting him, staring at him. "It's her customary greeting. She is The Doctor's wife."

"What? Wow, you two -"

Leonard cut her off with a hissed whisper, pushing her toward the door. "Shhh, let it go." _Why does he whisper? He knows I have Vulcan hearing._

Sheldon found the power to walk across the room to the door. He put his arm out in the most courtly manner he knew how. "Shall we?"

* * *

Sheldon was watching Amy laugh from across the room. It was breathtaking. Penny had just said something to her, and Amy's face broke open with joy. For almost the entire night, they had been so formal with each other, but there she was, laughing and having fun. _Without me. _ Sheldon stood along the edge of the dance floor, watching her as couples occasionally swayed into his field of view.

"Hey, Sheldon," Leonard came up beside him. "How are you doing?"

"Just swell. There's nothing like being in a hot, crowded room with one hundred of your closest inebriated friends. And all the comic books are gone." He was holding a glass of punch, but he hadn't taken a drink yet. _Just as well, it's probably been spiked._

"Um, so, you and Amy won the Trivial Pursuit competition. I bet that was fun."

Sheldon shrugged slightly, "It was simple." He didn't turn to look at Leonard. He couldn't tear his eyes away from that newly mysterious woman in black. _It wasn't fun, it was confusing. We said almost all our answers in unison. We were on the same wavelength. For those 18 minutes it took us to annihilate the competition, we had worked together perfectly, like partners. But she never once smiled at me._

"Penny and I won the costume contest."

"I heard."

Leonard gave a big sigh. "Sheldon, why don't you ask Amy to dance? I bet she'd like that. And the music has slowed down."

"It's the _Star Trek Into Darkness_ soundtrack. Meld-Merized is next." He still didn't look away from Amy.

"Huh, you're right," said Leonard. _Of course I'm right. _ "Listen, Sheldon-" Leonard was interrupted by the arrival of Howard and Raj.

"Well, well, if it isn't The Doctor," Howard said mockingly. Sheldon groaned inwardly. "Don't you think it's odd you came as The Doctor? I mean he gets more action than you, and he's not even in the same time as his wife."

"Yeah," Raj joined in, slurring his words. "They get more action and they're head to toe."

Anger boiled up inside of Sheldon. He turned to glare at them. "As usual, you two idiots have it wrong. The quote is 'Our lives are back-to-front. Your future's my past. Your firsts are my lasts.' It's from season six, episode two, The Day of the Moon. And River Song doesn't want action, as you so brutishly put it, as much as she just wants to be at The Doctor's side. She allows herself to locked in a library, she allows herself to be lost in time, she allows herself to go to prison, she gave up her powers of regeneration, she even forces herself to kill the man she loves so that she can be with him just one more time. What she wants more than anything in the whole universe is to just be on the same time line and to be with him every day!"

Three pairs of shocked eyes looked back at him. Something inside of Sheldon was surprised, too. No one spoke. The pain returned to Sheldon's chest, as though his lungs hurt. "If you'll excuse me, I need to dance with my girlfriend."

Sheldon walked quickly across the dance floor and over to the girls' table. "Amy, will you please dance with me?"

He thought he had said it evenly, but he saw all three of them exchange small glances. Bernadette opened her mouth to speak, but Amy put a hand on her arm to silence her. What he too brusque? _Maybe I shouldn't have come over here angry._

"Okay," Amy replied calmly. But her eyes looked cold to him. His chest clinched in fear.

He took her hand as gently as he could and led her out to the middle of the floor. As though on cue, Meld-Merized started playing. She put her arms on his shoulders, stiffly. _She won't look up. I need her to look up._

He tried to softly pull her in closer. He felt her resist at first, but then she surrendered and moved so close that her head was almost on his chest. It felt squeezed even tighter, as though he were in a vise. They swayed there, slowly, for a few seconds. _She won't look up. She won't speak._

"Amy, I need to tell you something. I know you asked for 48 hours, but I'd really like to say it now." _Breathing is so painful._

"Okay," she mumbled. She didn't look up.

"I - We - Um . . . 'I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you - especially when you are near me, as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous channel, and two hundred miles or so of land some broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapt; and then I've a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly.'" His voice was barely above a whisper by the end.

She stopped swaying and finally looked up him. _Her eyes, her beautiful green eyes, they are reading my soul. "_That was lovely -" He could take a breath! _"_- but it was from _Jane Eyre_. I want to know what you feel, not just another quote from a novel or a movie."

He was going to pass out from the lack of oxygen again. Why couldn't he just tell her? "Amy . . . I . . . If you want the job at Berkley, you should take it. I'll respect and support you in whatever you decide. You should do it for yourself and not worry about me."

He couldn't believe how much pain he was in. Actual physical pain. They were no longer dancing, they were just standing there, in the middle of the dance floor, holding each other. Previously, holding her had always calmed him, but he felt trapped in a torrent of emotions, so many emotions. Had he been able to properly convey to her how important her happiness was to him? He wanted her to be happy first; his own happiness could come second.

"Sheldon." Tears were starting to pool in her eyes. He so desperately wanted them to be happy tears, but the increasing crush of his chest told him they weren't. "Even though I know that was hard for you, and I do want your respect and support very much, I just don't think I can be with you if you won't tell me what you actually feel, what you want for yourself." A tear slipped down her cheek.

He reached up to brush the tear away. When he touched her face, he suddenly experienced a moment of perfect clarity, more crystalized than even those moments when he solved the most complex equations. Everything had stopped and the world had gone silent. He knew, of course, where he was and that all their friends were watching him and that other couples where dancing and that there was laughter somewhere and music, but none of that mattered anymore. He pushed it all away and concentrated on Amy, _my Amy_, standing right there in front of him.

He found this clarity allowed him to breathe again, and oxygen rushed to his brain. He wanted to say that he didn't want her to go to Berkley. He wanted her to stay right here, in his life. He thought he might die if she left him. He knew it was selfish, but she was the most important thing to him. He wanted to tell her that he couldn't sleep if she didn't tell him good night. Every morning when he woke up, he thought of her first. She made him laugh. She made him happy. She made him angry. She was thing that gave him tranquility. She challenged him to think harder. She forced him to confront all of his fears, and when she was beside him he realized there weren't so scary after all. She was his companion. He wrote down every memory of her in the book of his mind so he could replay them later.

Instead, he took a deep breath and said, with more surety than he'd ever said anything in his life, "I love you, Amy. I want you to stay with me."

Another tear fell from her eyes. _So this is death, and I have only myself to blame, _Sheldon thought.

"I love you, too, Sheldon."

Sheldon then did something then he had sworn he would never do again. He bent down and kissed Amy in a public place, in front of strangers and in front of all of their friends. And he didn't care in the slightest who saw.

THE END

* * *

**AN: I had planned to be the Harper Lee of fanfic (in terms of brevity, not quality or importance): I had this one story constantly in my mind, playing out every day, keeping me from sleeping at night. Finally Sheldon would realize he loves Amy and tell her that. Then my life would go on because I had said everything I needed to say. But then I started wondering what, exactly, would happen next? And so, I wrote a ****sequel, The Exhalation Combustion Investigation. Please enjoy.**


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